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Sunday, February 9th, 2003
9:52 pm
Hey again.

Okay, I added most of you to my new friends list. I will hopefully be the only new person on your list if you add me quickly ;) but if not, just... click and you'll know which journal mine is. Same pic, same name. ^_^

For Susie and #2, I am emailing you guys now. I don't think I'll put my new one in my COTH sig just in case the busybody in question got the URL from there, so if anyone else is interested, just email me: AerodynamicPiglet@yahoo.com :)

(7 lies | promise not to hurt me)

4:51 pm - Grr.
Hi guys.

Due to some... recent circumstances involving privacy, I have to get a new journal and transfer all the entries. It could take a few days. :( I'll add you all again when my new journal is up, so don't forget to add me back!

A very pissed-off Erin

(6 lies | promise not to hurt me)

Saturday, February 8th, 2003
11:22 pm
I love the weekends and I hate the weekends. I love them because it gives me a (brief) respite from the torture of school. I hate them because I have no life, no way to get a life, and no hope OF getting a life until after summer. It is a weekly reminder of what normal people are doing.

And isn't it funny, how you can be sitting here thinking of how things kind of suck, and then your side starts to hurt really badly and you would suddenly give anything to feel the way you did five minutes ago?

current mood: sore

(2 lies | promise not to hurt me)

6:16 pm - Horse pictures!
Excuse the quality, or lack thereof, of that last entry. I feel rather blah today, which is why the writing is sucky. So I won't write until I'm un-blah'ed. ;)

Took some horse pictures today. It's been awhile since I've done that. Odd, since that's all I used to do.

Giddyup!Collapse )

(7 lies | promise not to hurt me)

Friday, February 7th, 2003
11:59 pm
This is Matt's very own entry, because Matt thinks he's special. So here you go, Matt, your own personal entry in my journal, something even God doesn't have yet.

Hmm, Matt rhymes with hat. Hats are nice. Matt also rhymes with splat. Splat is not a very appealing word because lots of things go splat when you don't want them to, like eggs, and bodies being dropped out of windows. However, I once had a puppy named Splat, and she was cute, but then she ran away, probably because we named her Splat. Matt also rhymes with bat, and sat, and cat, and flat... and that... and Florida water rat.

Hmm. Someday I will need to send Matt interesting things to keep him occupied, like cards or a checkerboard. This is so that he has something to occupy himself with next time he goes on a long bus ride. I mean, there are lots of things you can do on long bus rides, but I think card games would be the best bet next time.

Matt also likes popcorn and he has a dog and he lives up North so I pity him so out of pity I will also say that Matt is mad sexy and his dog probably is too. Like, sexiness by osmosis. Actually probably not. I am not even sure what osmosis is. I think I slept through that class. Wouldn't that be if you slept on your dog or something? Ooh, scary picture. I could ask Matt because he probably knows.

And that is my post about Matt.

Here are some pictures for Matt.Collapse )

(3 lies | promise not to hurt me)

2:32 pm
Hey, I kind of slept a little last night! So proud, so proud. I'm still a little tired but I actually managed to get up today without the room spinning three seconds later.
(Wow, don't I sound like an eighty year old woman with heart problems? I'll stop now.)

Is it just normal for people, women especially (and I'm... almost one!) to start feeling guilty about what they eat at a certain age? I mean, I never used to wonder about calories and such. I didn't even know what a calorie was. Now it's like, I'll eat something and then feel like I should be out running around like an idiot so I don't gain weight. Which I admit is ridiculous considering I'm 5'6" and weigh around 108 soaking wet. (ew, dirty thought) But it's just... weird... how I'm always thinking about it. Grr. :/

I should really start riding seriously again. Like, with my trainer. I just have to time it perfectly because I've been off seven or eight months and it hurts SO badly when you start again. I laugh when people say "riding isn't a sport- the horse does all the work!". You have not felt pain until you've tried serious English riding after a long time off. The muscles you use to ride don't get worked any other way so essentially they will alternate feeling achy with stabbing pain for days afterwards. But once you get back into it you don't notice it anymore, so I just have to find some time to take the first few rides, times when heavy walking afterwards is not essential. ;)

Oh, and this is interesting. I have this red hair dye that you spike in and wash out, but since my hair isn't particuarly spikeable, I tried using the dye as- get this- eyeliner. It looked pretty damn cool, but hopefully it's okay to wear over your eyes. Anyway it was pretty fun getting compliments on my "eyeliner" and then saying back, "Thanks! It's actually hair dye." :p

current mood: okay

(7 lies | promise not to hurt me)

Thursday, February 6th, 2003
5:14 pm
I found out early on that there are several stages of boredom. First, there's the stage in which you're just a wee bit bored. Y'know, the kind that comes when it's a school night and no one can do anything and if someone were to ask you how you were feeling, you'd shrug and say, "Oh, you know. Bored."

Then there's the second stage, which comes when it's a school night and no one can do anything and you stayed home all day with a cold and there was nothing on TV but a 24-hour Seventh Heaven marathon. In this stage you're so desperate for something to do that you'll jump at the slightest suggestion with childlike glee. "Bike to the store for frozen peas? Why, gladly!" "Would you be so kind as to allow me to remove the fuzzballs from your sweatpants?"

Finally, there's stage three. Denied activity for too long, the average antsy American will fall into a lethargic state, sitting in his or her boredom like a sardine in oil. Heart rate slows considerably and almost any activity is rejected in favor of making the perfect human-shaped imprint on the couch. "Honey, Pamela Anderson is at the door. She said something about covering you in Hershey's syrup and slowly licking it off. Friend of yours?"
"I don't know, tell her to go away. I'm bored."

Apparently, there are the same such steps with exhaustion. First you're a little tired. Then you're worn out. Then you're practically dead. I believe I've finally hit stage three. I can hardly even TELL that I'm tired anymore, but it feels a bit like someone has tied bricks to my feet and there's always this faint buzzing sound. I think I'm setting some kind of world record for sleeplessness. I mean, I'll be tired the whole entire day, and then when it's actually dark out I'm wide awake. I've seriously become nocturnal. It's scary. I tried going to sleep early last night twice and the second time I just lay there staring at the ceiling until midnight or so, my body the entire time screaming, "What the hell is this? Go hunt for berries or marinate a chicken or something, but for God's sake don't sleep!!!"

Does this worry me? Yes.

current mood: exhausted

(9 lies | promise not to hurt me)

Wednesday, February 5th, 2003
4:20 pm
I feel so sad lately. Sad and angry. Deep. If I were to bottle it, just a teaspoonful would be enough to kill you.

I think I am going to try actually sleeping tonight. If anyone sees me online past 10 PM, seriously tell me to get off. I think I need to sleep.

(8 lies | promise not to hurt me)

1:34 pm
Well, today has been interesting so far. I spent all four high school classes spacing out and inscribing cryptic messages into my desk with a pencil, addressed to any hapless students who also happen to sit there. Well, except in algebra. Then I sat staring at A's bookbag on which "I LOVE JOSH" was written in careful pink calligraphy so many times you could hardly see the actual fabric underneath. Yeah, I'm sure you love Josh. ::smirk:: But isn't it an inconvienence to you, having to go out and buy a brand-new bookbag every time a new infatuation hits? It isn't forever. Is he worth ruining a $40 backpack over? Is he going to, later, be worth gaining 10 lbs. of ice-cream weight for and sobbing for a week and slashing into your wrists with broken glass or whatever the fuck it is that you pseudo-depressives do when your "relationship" ends? They think they know everything, but they don't know anything, and they think I know nothing which makes me laugh. Hard.

It's exhausting, this hating everybody. I don't know how it happened that I do, but I hope I'll get over it eventually. Wouldn't it be more "Christian" to love everyone?

Oh, no. Wait a minute. They hate homosexuals and atheists and Buddhists and everyone else who doesn't adhere to their fascist views. So hey, it's Christian to hate. Tell all your friends.

current mood: cynical

(16 lies | promise not to hurt me)

Tuesday, February 4th, 2003
10:34 pm
You can't run from your enemy
There's nowhere to hide
It's yourself that you battle
And the war is inside
Trying to fight it
Such a meager attack
Armed only with prescriptions
For bottles of Prozac
A voice in your head
Tells you you're to blame
While the voices outside
Scream, "You suck, you're insane!"
No one can save you
They can just watch you drown
They knew sooner or later
You'd have to fall down.

(1 lie | promise not to hurt me)

6:32 pm

DyingHappy, I hope you're reading this.

Ok, I was just kidding around. I was joking. Please don't make fun of me, but I was bored one day and I applied to this talent/modeling agency a couple weeks ago... and they called me back, and asked if I'd be interested in meeting with them sometime this week. Whoa. I didn't expect them to actually call back.

I'm not sure what to do with myself here. I mean... probably nothing will come of it, but still. Even step 2 would be exciting.


(5 lies | promise not to hurt me)

6:18 pm - again i go unnoticed. . .
My parents and sister left to go somewhere and I'm not quite sure where that is. I should've asked. I think they told me, but I wasn't listening. Maybe it had something to do with band? Except I don't even know if my sister's in band anymore. Come to think of it, I haven't heard that horrible oboe in awhile so either she quit or I've become deadened to the noise.

I am extremely lonely right now. And tired. I would just sleep, but I don't really like to sleep. Which is why I'm tired. I hate it when things make sense.

I read somewhere once that the average person needs to be hugged X times per week (day?) in order to stay (emotionally) healthy. (I forget how many times, but it was several.) I don't think I've really hugged someone since... well, the last time I saw Whitney? And the last time I saw Whitney, it was for New Year's. Wow. No wonder I'm fucked up.

current mood: lethargic

(8 lies | promise not to hurt me)

2:36 pm - Made in the '80's!
OMG. This is so true. And since I'm a dork, I even commented on some of them.

You Know You Grew Up in the 80's If....

You ever ended your sentence with "psych"

You solved the Rubics cube.....by peeling off the stickers [I still do that...]
Read more...Collapse )

(promise not to hurt me)

1:23 am
Livejournal is being a biatch lately (as you all may have noticed), so if you're wondering why I haven't been commenting much, that's why. (I'll also hope that's why I haven't been getting many lately, either. :( Or you could've just decided you hated me. ;)) And that also explains why I have glaring typos in the last couple entries. Fixing them could have taken several years.

(1 lie | promise not to hurt me)

Monday, February 3rd, 2003
10:04 pm
I have this problem. See, I think I might be a bitch. Not a bitch bitch. Far from it, actually. But there must be a word for someone who completely stops talking to a guy merely for the reason that he was getting too controlling. Okay, granted, this is the guy who was totally creepy, the guy who tried to kiss me in the school parking lot and nearly made me puke. (Not to mention the guy who now makes me group kissing in the same enjoyment category as getting a root canal or doing construction work in Puerto Rico.)

But, you see, about a week before I decided I just couldn't talk to him anymore, he started coming on really strong even though I made it quite clear that anything besides a strictly friends relationship was out of the question. And then one night he told me online that he had something to talk to me about. And I was very hesitant, asking if it was anything I'd already said no to. He said no, but I still had the suspicion that it would be something I didn't want to hear... and would possibly have trouble saying no to. Then he told me, "Well, we'll discuss it after second period tomorrow." And I was just thinking, "Um, excuse me? 'We'll discuss it'? And since when do I not have a say in what we discuss and when we discuss it?" I know, that sounds really snotty, but I just suddenly felt him trying to yank the reins out of my hands, and I didn't like that. At all. I like being independent. I hate being taken advantage of. I'm cautious. I'm wary. So sue me.

And then K the guy. He didn't last very long. I mean, the main thing was that he was too young, but he said something that worried me. Like, once we were joking around on the phone and I was like, "Yeah, so why did you start talking to me anyway?" (Because he just kind of appeared one day... we don't have any classes together.) And he said (being serious) that it was because he was sitting with his friends one day and they said he needed a girlfriend, and I'd walked by and they said, "Oh, she looks good." So he began pursuing me having no knowledge of what I was like. I was quiet for a minute and then asked him, "Well, what if I ended up being a bitch?". He said, "Oh, well, I'd work on you." And I kepy asking him, "Well what if that didn't work?" And basically he kept saying that no matter what, if his friends said I'd "looked good", then he'd keep at it.

Basically, he didn't like me for ME, he liked me because... well, I don't know why. His friends said so? I was wearing a miniskirt the day he first talked to me? I just felt kind of... hurt... for some reason.

I'm so confused.

This was a really pointless entry.

current mood: confused

(5 lies | promise not to hurt me)

7:42 pm
D'you ever wake up and just have this sinking feeling that it's not going to be a good day? I started the morning by completely sleeping through my alarm, something I only do when I'm super tired (and lately I have been, because I can't ever sleep). Adding to my problem was the fact that I woke up feeling like someone had been beating me with a large stick, probably another testament to the fact that I should sleep more. Then I couldn't find the jeans I wanted to wear, (and granted I have more pants than absolutely necessary for even five people because they breed in dark damp places like, say my closet) but this was a day in which I had to wear a SPECIFIC pair of jeans. And once I found them, I couldn't find a shirt that wasn't wrinkled because I never did get around to finishing my laundry yesterday, and I'm much too lazy in the mornings to actually iron clothes, so I just threw a hoodie over the entire ensemble and left the house looking like crap and feeling the same.

Oh, and also, my backpack seriously weights about as much as a small teenager. Seriously, I may as well just carry my sister around on my back all day. (Oh God, perish the thought.) But my ghetto school doesn't have enough lockers for everyone and I came in October so I was S.O.L. ... therefore, I must carry with me at all times:
-Algebra Book
-Geometry Book
-Economics Book
-Spanish Book (and all of these are thick hardcovers)
-Spanish Workbook
-College Lit book (HUGE, bigger than most phonebooks...) that I read at high school when I don't read all the essays/poems/plays/whatnot at home
-Folders for Algebra, Geometry, Spanish, Economics, and Lit
-Pencil Case
-Notebook Paper
-Plus random odds and ends like mints, lipgloss, etc.
It's gotten so bad that somedays I can't fit everything into my backpack so I also have to carry something in my arms. It's insane. When I walk into classrooms, I can't just set my bag down nicely. If I were to bend over I might never get back up again. I have to shrug it off my shoulders and when it lands, it sounds like a small building collapsing. We have a little routine going. "Hey, what's up?" BOOM!!! "Erin's here!"
Plus, Even the short walk from my car to the front of the school makes my shoulders ache. By the end of the day I always have a huge headache and my shoulders feel like they're being stabbed over and over by angry, spork-wielding midgets. Which is about how I feel right now. Rachel and Nikki actually HAVE a locker with nothing in it, but Rachel doesn't have the key (!!!!!!).


current mood: bitchy

(5 lies | promise not to hurt me)

Sunday, February 2nd, 2003
7:54 pm
Song... stuck... in... head...

(5 lies | promise not to hurt me)

6:16 pm
It is like summer here. I'm not kidding. I went to wash Elmer (that'd be my car) earlier and I was in shorts and flip-flops, and there was a slight breeze and afterwards I drove up and down the road that connects my house to the school (it's awesome... gorgeous and there's never any traffic) just listening to music.

(The aforementioned road.)

I love doing that. I have like 55255032 CDs in my car, it's crazy. Yeah, that road and the weather are two upsides of living here. Actually, I think they're the only upsides. If only it were actually summer so it wouldn't be getting dark at 6:00... and so there would be no school and therefore no test that I should be studying for right now. Like I actually care what a conglomerate is.

I'm also happy because I went shopping today and got 2 shirts, 2 pairs of pants, a hoodie, and 3 pairs of cute undies (yay...) for $75. Exactly. ;)

And finally I'm happy because my room is clean. I still have a good portion of my wardrobe in various laundry baskets... unfolded... that I should probably get to, but my room is CLEAN, damnit! I even vacuumed it, and I didn't freak out when I accidentally sucked up the entire left side of my bedskirt with the hose. (The bedskirt survived, by the way.)

current mood: happy

(1 lie | promise not to hurt me)

1:22 am
Oh yeah, and if anyone's wondered why I haven't been online... my new screen name is High5sWithKnives. Yes.

(2 lies | promise not to hurt me)

1:06 am - i wanna sex you up
Hey guys, go here. Things are not always what they seem...

Bah, I need cute underwear. American Eagle has cute undies, I'll give them that, but geez. I'm not going to pay that much money for single pair of panties, y'know? Anyone else know where you can get cute undies? I also need cute bras, but I'm... like... a 32A, so it's kind of hard. I go into Victoria's Secret and they look at me like, "In your dreams, honeychil'". Anyway, all my items of clothing smaller than a t-shirt tend to get lost somewhere between my hamper and the dryer. I found one of my bras in my sister's room once. She's like... a negative size. I don't even want to know.

current mood: pained

(5 lies | promise not to hurt me)

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